Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
