At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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