worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
