im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
