I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
