Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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