its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
