Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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