chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
