You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
