im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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