her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
