Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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