you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
