i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
