That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
