the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I deserve this hangover.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
