Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
