Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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