Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
