This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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