it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
