New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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