how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
