oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
please come you make the beer taste better
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
