News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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