I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
