I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bring me that man meat
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
