Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
