I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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