so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
