Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
