The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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