A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
