Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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