So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
