i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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