Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
