i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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