I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
