I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
