Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
