cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
