she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
