U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
