I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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