What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
