Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
