I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
