I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
