We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
whose parrot is this?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
