Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
